How I Discovered The Old Man Has A Thing For Cindy Crawford

Just a few weeks ago, I made a healthy food choice. Feeling a craving for something sweet a couple of hours after dinner, I chose to have a banana, full of potassium and natural sweetness, rather than something that was processed and refined and full of empty calories.

As I peeled, bit and chewed, I felt quite virtuous. This raised my endorphin level to the point of playfulness. Spying the Dole sticker, I peeled it from the banana and placed it on the right side of my upper lip. I turned to the old man, who was sitting nearby watching tennis (naturally), and said coyly, "Hey, don't I look like Cindy Crawford?"

In a nanosecond and with barely a glance in my direction (there was tennis on TV, after all), he replied, "The mole's on the wrong side."

"Busted!" I thought to myself. Aloud, I sing-songed, "You like Cindy Crawford, you like Cindy Crawford."

The old man tried to blame his quick thinking on the cat, as she also has a mole on the same side of her upper lip as Cindy Crawford. I didn't buy it.

The moral of the story is: Always have cake and ice cream for dessert.

Big Mama On Campus

We moved our son into his dorm room on Wednesday. It was two days earlier than most of the new students as he was participating in the "Service Plunge," a two-day opportunity to participate in "learning through service."

Looking around as I drove through the campus Wednesday to the spot where I was to deposit my child, I noticed that, in addition to the many people who looked to be of college age, there were many, many old people. They were everywhere.

And I was one of them!

How can that be? I still feel as gawky and goofy as a high school freshman.

I didn't do much friendly chit-chatting with the old people (I didn't want their old people cooties) and to the college students I am invisible.

I feel like I'm living in "Freaky Friday" land.

The Return Of Adventure Girl

This weekend was my twenty-third wedding anniversary, and the old man and I had an opportunity to spend some time alone. During that time, he made a proposition to me which I politely--and blushingly--declined.

"There was a time when you were Adventure Girl," the old man noted.

"Yes," I agreed, "But that was before I became a mother."

"You're not a mother anymore," he countered.

"I'll always be a mom!" I cried.

"Sure," the old man said, "But you're not a mother in the same way anymore."

While I continued to decline the old man's proposition (due to the fact that I didn't care to spend my anniversary in jail), I did decide that it is time for the return of Adventure Girl.

Stay tuned for the next episode.

The Real Question

On NPR this morning, I heard the tail end of a story on the Galapagos Islands that featured the ongoing conflict between evolutionists and creationists. I'm so tired of that debate.

Maybe there's something I'm missing, but it doesn't seem to me that the question we should be asking is "How did we get here?" Forget that.

This is what I say: "I'm here. Now what? How should I conduct my life?"

So, evolutionists and creationists, start behaving yourselves and get a life.

And if you don't like it, you can carbon date me.

The Devil Made Me Do It

If you are a regular reader of my son's blog, you know that he has had a number of things to say about the ESRB and GTA, which are the Entertainment Software Ratings Board and Grand Theft Auto, respectively. In fact, he has written more on the subject than I thought was humanly possible.

Recently, said son shared with me that he had read an article describing the use of GTA play as a criminal defense. This led to a discussion of the influence of the media and personal responsibility.

I told him it was not that unusual for otherwise normal people to be influenced by the media. In fact, I had an experience like that. I once tried to solve a crime after watching an episode of CSI.

The Two Boltons

Whenever I see a headline about President Bush and "Bolton," I always think Michael Bolton for some reason.

There's a split second of "Bush Stands His Ground On Michael Bolton???? Wow! He must be quite the diehard fan." Or, "Bush Appoints Michael Bolton As US Envoy To UN???? Is he like the American Bono or something?"

And then it dawns on me, "Oh, yeah, not Michael Bolton, John Bolton."

It strikes me as odd because I could not tell you even one song that Michael Bolton made famous--or John Bolton for that matter.