Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Road Apples

Guess who I am?

A reader has asked "What are road apples?" This is an excellent question and one which I will try to answer to the best of my ability. Most people do not explore questions such as these, preferring instead to merely lump "road apples" into the category generally known as "excrement." However, by doing so, they miss out on the minutiae that makes life ever so interesting.

"Road apples" is a reference to horse manure that can be found on or at the side of a road. My understanding is that a road apple hits the ground with a soft plop and generally retains its rotund shape, hence the term "road apples."

Now, let's contrast this with a "turd blossom." I have found two definitions of this phrase. The first is that it is a Texan term for a flower that grows from a pile of cow dung. The second, much less reliable definition is that it is a reference to cow manure that hits the ground with a hard splat and thus "blossoms" to cover an extended area. While this second definition is less reliable, it does provide a nicer contrast to the term "road apples."

And, if you guessed I was being the blogger KKairos, you would be correct.